Chancellor of the Exchequer – Ian Risk
As the PM’s next-door neighbour, he seemed the perfect choice for the role of Chancellor. Before taking up his new role, Ian was a successful businessman and philanthropist, spending his free time indulging in his passions of classic cars, loud jackets and homemade damson gin.
Home Secretary – Vicky Kirby
Until recently, the PM and Vicky were receptionists at their local County Council offices. Great friends for many years, the PM cannot think of anyone better to oversee the activities of the notorious Cambridge Militia.
Foreign Secretary – Harry Cobeans
A kingdom the size of East Anglia has scant requirement for a Foreign Secretary, but Harry absolutely insisted on filling the role and immediately took himself off on a ‘fact finding’ mission to the south of France. He can be tempted back to Number 10 by large feasts and the occasional political disaster.
Minister for Good Ideas & Gin – Doctor Samantha Martens
A respected engineer with excellent taste in music and footwear, Dr Martens had been developing a system to mass-produce the Chancellor’s homemade gin before her call to office. Greatly admired by the PM for her capacity for good ideas (and also gin), her place in the Cabinet was assured.
Minister for Defence – Lord Daniel Westington
A friend of the Chancellor’s and with the benefit of military service and an impressive collection of shot guns, this most violent member of the landed gentry is the perfect match for Boris, King of Oxford.
Secretary of State for Eduction – Alfie Dacre
He describes himself as impossibly handsome, erudite and Machiavellian – and who are we to disagree? A frightening intellect barely conceals his revolutionary nature, putting him constantly at odds with the University and any other poor soul who so much as thinks about crossing him.
Secretary of State for Economic Relations – Fred Mincer
The PM has no idea what this job title means, but she was convinced by the endlessly persuasive Fred that he was the perfect man for the role. A celebrated local wordsmith, the PM and Home Secretary are long-time fans of Fred and completely powerless to refuse his eloquent requests.
Trade Minister – Simon Daley
An ex-used car dealer and gentleman known here and about as a man with fingers in many pies, Simon knows a thing or two about making a deal. His illicit contacts in the motor trade have endeared him to the Chancellor, something he plans to use to his advantage. His rapacious approach to business annoys the PM, but his shady associations with the underworld are too useful to ignore.
Minister for Culture, Media & Sport – Mick Canning
Mick was a regular at the village pub frequented by the PM and Chancellor before their ascent to Number 10. Mick got the job on the grounds that he owns a bookshelf, reads the papers and likes cricket. He is doing a sterling service thus far.
Secretary of State for Unlikely Events – Hugh Roberts
This post was created early on by the PM by means of giving her a scapegoat for anything she wasn’t expecting. However, Hugh is particularly adept at arguing the definition of ‘unlikely’ and therefore often finds himself with little to occupy his time.
Secretary of State for Archaeology, Fine Art & Old Things in General – Leonora Smyth
Director of Cambridge’s Fitzwilliam Museum, Leonora is the apotheosis of cultured intellect. Her Government appointment allows her to continue her grand works at the museum, whilst also keeping and eye on the Culture and Education Ministers, who she is sure are up to something.
Minister for Health – Haylee DeHavilland
This bright and enthusiastic young lady believes in good, old-fashioned fresh air and exercise and three square meals a day. Never before in the history of democracy has a Government department invoked such staggering displays of straightforward common sense.
Minister for Family Values – Victoria Impress
Interestingly, the brief for this department is not so much concerned with the general populous, but the Cabinet themselves – thereby making Victoria’s appointment the most challenging in Government.
Minister for Transport – Zoe Summers
The beautiful Zoe was recruited by a smitten Chancellor, who insisted upon training her for the role by driving her around the countryside in his collection of classic cars. The PM swiftly drew up a brief for Zoe to expand Cambridge’s love of bicycling and punting to the rest of the region, thereby creating a more ecologically-friendly Transport policy.
Cabinet Secretary – Sir Edd Evans-Morley
Another of the Chancellor’s well-connected associates, Sir Edd is director of the Cambridge Underground Orchestra, which makes him well versed in the art of managing temperamental types. It is his job to keep the Cabinet in line and behind the Prime Minister. However, his closeness to the Chancellor’s cronies and Minister for Good Ideas & Gin means he is anything but unbiased in his work.
Head of the Cambridge Intelligence Agency – Wing Commander Tom
A man who takes his covert assignation most seriously, little is known about the enigmatic Wing Commander Tom. It is sufficient to say that it was he who effected the capture of Tony Blair – legend has it, he took him while he was sleeping – thereby confirming the extent of his expertise. He is said to be the most handsome man in Cambridge, but no one has ever actually seen his face.